His Journal: The Untold Inner Monologue of Sir Gaslight-a-Lot

Monday
Woke up angry. Don’t know why. Must be her fault.

Reminded myself I’m a “high-value man.” Googled the phrase to double-check. Still not entirely sure what it means but I think it involves podcasts and not paying child support.

Told my new girlfriend I’m misunderstood. She cried. That means I’m winning.

Tuesday
Received another legal letter. Boring.

Told my lawyer to write “she’s crazy” again. That usually does the trick. Also considering the “She’s unstable because she cried during childbirth” defense. Underrated classic.

Found her blog. She’s using fake names. I KNOW IT’S ABOUT ME. But if I say that, I’m admitting guilt. Will instead act wounded and send it to everyone with the caption: “Look how she attacks me!”

Wednesday
Realized our daughter misses her mom. Solution: tell her Mom is “busy” and “doesn’t want to talk.” Then tell court she doesn’t ask about her mom at all. Genius. Even I’m impressed.

Texted our daughter's teacher a subtle dig about her mother being in jail once. Still waiting for my Nobel Prize in Covert Smear Campaigns.

Thursday
Rewatched Jordan Peterson clips to feel validated. Took notes for next mediation session.

Scheduled meeting with youth welfare and pretended to be emotionally mature. Used words like “co-regulation” and “attachment theory.” Don’t know what they mean, but sounded impressive.

Friday
She recorded a conversation at school. Must pivot. Say she’s “creating conflict” again.

Also: Do not respond to her directly. Instead, send 6 passive-aggressive emails through lawyers, case managers, school admins, and that one mediator I ghosted last year.

Remember: The more people involved, the harder it is to track my lies.

Saturday
Got emotional looking at old pictures of myself. Still convinced I’m the victim.

Started writing a memoir: “Ripped Dad: My Journey from Misunderstood Man to Litigious Legend.”
Subtitle: How I Nearly Got Away With Everything.

Sunday
She looked happy on Instagram. Unacceptable.

Must text her about unpaid dental bills from 2021. Also, send threatening message about mail. That’ll show her.

Reminder to self:
NEVER admit wrongdoing.
ALWAYS play the victim.
DENY. DEFLECT. DERAIL.

Coming soon: His Journal Vol. 2: Co-Parenting or Psychological Warfare?

Because nothing says “responsible father” like weaponizing school pickup and pretending sun tanning all day is a personality trait.