His Journal: The Untold Inner Monologue of Sir Gaslight-a-Lot (Vol. 4)
“If I Lie in Caps Lock, It’s the Truth.”
Monday
Filed a motion to control school drop-offs.
Said seeing her “triggers my healing journey.”
Lawyer asked what I meant.
Said: “It’s just... the vibe.”
Also, she parked in my spot. Unforgivable.
Tuesday
Wrote a passive-aggressive email to the child welfare lady.
CC’d 12 people.
Subject: “Urgent Concerns: Maternal Overinvolvement and Emotional Overstimulation.”
Body: “She made eye contact at sports day.”
Wednesday
Heard she might be writing a book.
Panicked.
Googled: “Can you sue someone for telling the truth if it makes you look bad?”
Also Googled: “How to appear calm while unraveling.”
Thursday
Ordered a mug that says “#1 Dad (According to Me).”
Felt powerful.
Told our daughter I was “too busy” to call her mom.
Said: “She’s probably doing yoga anyway.”
Then ripped up my daughters artwork after seeing our daughter draw a picture of “Mommy and Me.”
Told myself she probably forced her to draw it. That helps me sleep at night. So does denial.
Friday
Texted her at 11:47 PM about a sock I found.
Caption: “Neglect.”
Also told mutual friend: “She’s not stable enough to co-parent.”
Then sent a meme to our old couples therapist.
She blocked me.
Saturday
Pretended I didn’t notice her walking by.
But I did.
Twice.
Then told people she “followed me.”
Technically true if you reverse time and logic.
Sunday
Wrote new lyrics to “Let It Go”:
🎵 “Let it go… let it go… unless I want to pretend it's her fault, then pursue legal action.” 🎵
Thinking of performing it at court.
With choreography.
