Congrats, You’ve Reached Peak Delusion

Hi Captain Control,

Just a quick note to thank you—genuinely—for being the living, breathing embodiment of “what not to do” in life, love, parenting, law, logic, and basic human decency. You're like a TED Talk in reverse.

You really outdid yourself with the mail-in-the-school-bag move. Classic! It’s giving “strategic genius” energy… if your strategy was to look like a petty, controlling man-child playing spy games with kindergarten logistics. Spoiler: it worked. You look ridiculous.

Also, just so we’re clear—your attempts to look clever while simultaneously incriminating yourself are chef’s kiss. I mean, weaponizing jackets, shoes, dolls, and now envelopes? What’s next? You gonna put my name on a pigeon and claim shared custody?

Honestly, if you put half as much energy into healing your unresolved trauma as you do into your Olympic-level gaslighting, you’d be a halfway decent human by now. But alas, here we are. You, rage-texting like a Bond villain with a parenting plan, and me—thriving, documenting, and waiting for the courts to connect the dots you so generously keep handing them.

Anyway, thanks for the unintentional comedy. The courtroom isn’t the only place where your nonsense has fans—I should honestly be charging admission at this point.

Yours in absolute disbelief,
No longer yours....