Captain Conflict Explains Why Boundaries Are Abuse (Unless They Are His Boundaries, Obviously)
From the Diary of Captain Conflict:
Why Boundaries Are Abuse (Unless They’re Mine)
Boundaries are very important to me.
Specifically my boundaries.
Other people’s boundaries, however, are deeply confusing, suspicious, and frankly don’t make a lot of sense—especially when they are very clear and I simply don’t like them.
Let me explain.
When I Set a Boundary
This is called:
being calm
protecting my peace
prioritising the child
acting maturely
Example:
“I don’t want to discuss this.”
This is healthy.
Final.
Non-negotiable.
Any attempt to revisit it is harassment.
When She Sets a Boundary
This is called:
emotional abuse
stonewalling
high-conflict behaviour
refusal to co-parent
Example:
“I’m not comfortable with that.”
This is alarming.
Escalation may be required.
Historically, I explained to her that her boundaries were not real boundaries because they didn’t make sense to me, which obviously means they were poorly communicated.
Even when they were extremely clear.
A Personal Growth Moment
I recently told Child Services that I now realise what went wrong in our relationship.
It was this:
I didn’t communicate my boundaries clearly enough.
This is a powerful insight.
Please ignore the fact that at the time, I repeatedly told her:
her boundaries were invalid
she didn’t understand boundaries
she was confusing
she was overreacting
she should explain herself again
Growth is recognising the problem—
as long as the problem is still her.
Boundaries Must Be Immediate and Absolute
My boundaries apply instantly.
Hers require:
justification
evidence
approval
and a review period
Preferably by professionals.
Boundaries and Control (An Important Distinction)
When I limit her communication, it’s for safety.
When she limits mine, it’s manipulation.
When I restrict information, it’s “protecting the child from conflict.”
When she asks for clarity, it’s “provoking conflict.”
These are not contradictions.
They are contextual truths.... MY contextual truths, therefore everyone else must agree because I am so much smarter than everyone else.
The Child’s Boundaries
Children are allowed boundaries.
As long as they align with mine.
If the child says:
“I don’t feel safe”
“I want my mom”
“I don’t like this”
This is not a boundary.
This is influence.
Boundaries expressed by children must be investigated for contamination by the mother.
Emotional Safety (My Favourite Phrase)
I use the phrase “emotionally unsafe” often.
It means:
I felt challenged
I was disagreed with
someone said no
These are deeply destabilising experiences.
Parallel Parenting: Boundaries in Bulk
Parallel parenting is ideal because it:
enforces my boundaries automatically
eliminates questions
removes accountability
limits exposure to dissent
It’s not about avoiding communication.
It’s about winning quietly.
In Conclusion
Boundaries are essential.
They should be:
clearly defined by me
respected by everyone else
enforced by authorities
immune to challenge
If someone else enforces a boundary by ending a relationship, that may constitute bullying—especially if she is not as smart as me and therefore cannot possibly understand what she is doing when she stands by her so-called boundaries.
Thank you for respecting my boundaries.
Do not reply.
If you laughed and then immediately felt tired —
that’s not the joke.
That’s recognition.
