Happy Birthday Dear Capitan Conflict
Dear Captain Conflict,
Happy Birthday! 🎉
Another year older, another year deeper into the fantasy world you’ve built — the one where you’re the hero, the victim, and the misunderstood genius all rolled into one.
This year, I wish for you…
Clarity — so you can finally tell the difference between “truth” and “the story you just made up because it sounded good.”
A Mirror — not the kind you use to perfect your charming smile for your friends and family, but the kind that shows you the trail of destruction you’ve left behind.
An Alarm Clock — so you can wake up and realize the courts don’t actually care about your fairy tales without proof.
You’ve spent the last year perfecting your greatest hits:
“I didn’t say that” (even when it’s in writing).
“She’s crazy” (translation: “She caught me lying”).
“I’m just protecting the child” (by withholding her from her mother, naturally).
And yet, here we are. You — still convinced you’re untouchable. Me — still here with a mountain of receipts, court transcripts, and recordings that make your stories collapse like a bad IKEA shelf.
So here’s my birthday toast to you:
May your lies continue to trip over each other until they form one giant legal noose you tied yourself. May every manipulative stunt you pull be met with an equal and opposite piece of hard evidence. And may you live long enough to see your own highlight reel played back in court — unedited, uncropped, and utterly damning.
Happy Birthday, Captain Conflict.
May this be the year you finally meet the truth… and lose.
Sincerely (and sarcastically),
Me
