Happy Birthday From the Desk of Ilka – Prada, Gucci & Poor Life Choices
From the Desk of Ilka – Prada, Gucci & Poor Life Choices
đź“… One Week Before Your Birthday
Dear Captain Conflict,
Well, here we are. The case might actually be seen in court soon — a miracle on par with me finding a Prada handbag in a thrift store.
Before we proceed, I have just one humble request: could you, for once in your life, try telling me the truth? I know, I know — “truth” isn’t your native language. But the thing is, every time you feed me your heroic bedtime stories about hammer attacks, dangerous ex-girlfriends, and imaginary thefts, Your ex's lawyer rolls in with a full-color, HD, surround-sound documentary proving otherwise.
And then I look like the idiot.
Speaking of which — happy almost birthday. I can’t help but wonder… will you be celebrating with more fabricated evidence? Perhaps a PowerPoint of “alternative facts”?
If so, please give me advance warning. I’ll need to order another latte before I read your WhatsApp messages out loud in front of a judge and feel my soul leave my body.
As your lawyer, it’s my duty to represent you. As a human, it’s my duty to tell you: if you keep this up, your legacy will be “The Man Who Lost Everything Because He Couldn’t Stop Lying About Groceries.”
Yours in billable hours,
Ilka
(The only woman in your life who’s still here once she learns who you really are - but only because you keep paying me)
