Ilka’s Journal Entry: Billable Hours & the Château Pony Fund
Dear Diary,
Another invigorating day in family law, otherwise known as advanced moral gymnastics performed in Gucci shoes.
I began the morning as usual:
coffee, emails, quiet dissociation, and a brief glance at my savings spreadsheet entitled:
“CHÂTEAU DE LUCILLE – DO NOT TOUCH.”
Some people save for retirement.
I save for legacy.
Why I Do This Work
People often ask,
“Ilka, how do you tolerate clients like him?”
The answer is simple.
Ponies are expensive.
And not the sad, municipal kind.
I am talking:
•bloodline paperwork
•emotionally unavailable but aesthetically perfect
My little Lucille deserves that.
And my son Hugo — well — Hugo will need a castle.
Preferably one with turrets, mild historical trauma, and a vineyard I can refer to as “an investment.”
One does not acquire a castle in France by saying no to difficult clients.
On My Client (A Study in Endurance)
Today’s client arrived exactly as expected:
•aggrieved
•indignant
•deeply convinced that complying with his ex is a form of oppression
He explained — again — that refusing to sign travel consent forms was not about control.
It was about:
•timing
•principle
•alignment
•and the general spiritual unease he feels when women plan things without him
I nodded gravely.
This is called professional listening.
The CPS Gambit (Chef’s Kiss)
He is very excited about the CPS hearing.
Men like this always are.
They believe hearings are:
•resets
•redemption arcs
•places where reality finally understands them
I did not correct him.
I have learned that silence is cheaper than truth and pays exactly the same.
Ethics, Revisited
At one point I did briefly wonder if I should:
•advise compliance
•suggest cooperation
•gently mention “the law”
But then I remembered:
The south tower roof alone will be €400,000.
One must stay focused.
On Money (Mine)
There was some confusion today about unpaid court-ordered payments.
My client does not like paying money unless it is:
•voluntary
•symbolic
•or refundable in his imagination
I advised him — carefully — that non-payment is “sub-optimal.”
He responded by drafting an email asserting moral superiority.
I billed for the revision.
Children (Theoretical)
We spoke briefly about the children.
He used the phrase “best interests” repeatedly, which I appreciate — it pairs well with the phrase “strategic delay.”
I have never met his children.
My main concern is my spreadsheet.
The spreadsheet says:
•Pony in 2027
•Castle keys by 2032
•Possibly a vineyard goat named after a Latin legal term
Justice must be funded.
Closing Reflections
As I lock my office tonight, I feel calm.
Somewhere:
•a woman is travelling
•a man is spiralling
•and a French notary is, unknowingly, waiting for me
This is the circle of life.
Yours professionally,
Ilka
Attorney at Law
Mother of Vision
Future Chatelaine
