Ilka’s Private Journal - Part 2
(Leaked from the depths of her Hermès tote, nestled somewhere between a Montblanc pen and receipts for emotional damage)
From the Desk of Ilka: Confessions of a Reluctant Lawyer for Captain Conflict
I only wanted to be a divorce attorney, helping those get what they deserve.... I am a lover of Prada handbags, Gucci shoes, and clients who don’t drag me into courtroom embarrassments. Unfortunately, today is about Captain Conflict — my client, my headache, and possibly my biggest test of professional endurance.
Let’s get one thing out of the way:
When I first met him, I disliked his ex instantly. Why? Because he told me to. He painted her as the villain, and I believed him. I mean, his delivery was Oscar-worthy — all trembling sincerity and wounded pride. Then… she calmly handed me her evidence.
And friends, let me tell you… hoo boy.
It was like watching a magic trick in reverse. One minute, he’s making wild accusations — theft, violence, poor parenting, emotional instability — and the next, POOF! Her lawyer is dropping documents, screenshots, recordings, and official letters right in front of me, each one dismantling his story like a Jenga tower in an earthquake.
The Evidence Problem
My main professional challenge here isn’t the law. It’s representing a man who has never — and I mean never — backed up a single claim with evidence. Not once.
Me: “Do you have proof?”
Captain Conflict: “I don’t need proof, it’s obvious!”
Me: “…That’s not how this works.”
Then, just when I think he’s understood, he goes and files something else ridiculous.
I swear, I spend half my time in court avoiding eye contact with the judge because I can feel their “Seriously, Ilka?” look burning through me.
The Girlfriend Question
Here’s the thing I can’t stop wondering: if the new girlfriend knew the real truth, would she still be playing “happy families” with this man?
Because if he’s lying to me — his lawyer — with this much confidence, imagine what he’s telling her. I’ve caught him mid-lie more times than I can count. I’ll ask if something’s true, he’ll swear up and down it is… and then BAM, her lawyer hands me ironclad proof it’s not.
Honestly, I sometimes want to slip the girlfriend a manila envelope marked “Read and Run”.
Professional Ethics vs. Personal Sanity
Every time I get caught in one of his fabrications, I have to ask myself:
Am I here to practice law?
Or am I just here to keep Captain Conflict from setting himself on legal fire?
Because right now, my role feels less like “advocate” and more like “expensive babysitter with Prada heels.”
The Prada-to-Courtroom Ratio
My love for designer shoes is being severely tested.
I used to believe there was no problem a great pair of Gucci pumps couldn’t fix.
But walking into court knowing my client’s case is held together with duct tape, bravado, and lies? That’s the real test of ankle stability.
Final Thoughts:
I’ll keep representing Captain Conflict because, well, Prada handbags aren’t cheap. But between us? This man is his own worst enemy. The day the people in his life connect the dots… let’s just say, I wouldn’t want to be there when it happens.
Until next time,
Ilka 💼👠
P.S. Captain Conflict, if you’re reading this: try evidence. I hear judges like it.
