Sir Gaslight-a-Lot’s Greatest Hits (Vol. 1): The Jacket Incident & Other Petty Crimes
Welcome to the mixtape no one asked for, but everyone with a narcissistic ex will deeply understand. This is Vol. 1 of the absurd, the petty, and the pathologically dramatic.
Featuring our star: Sir Gaslight-a-Lot – Lord of Projection, Duke of Delusion, and Knight Commander of Control Issues.
Track one? A timeless classic...
🎵 Track 1: “The Jacket Incident” Ah yes, the time he accused me of “stealing” a jacket I bought with my own money. You know, the one I wore every day for two years? That one. Apparently, it was “technically his” because it was in the house. By that logic, I should’ve claimed ownership of his dignity. Oh wait — nevermind, couldn’t find any.
🎵 Track 2: “The Dishwasher Gate” Legend has it, the dishwasher wasn’t loaded his way. Cue a three-day silent treatment, one veiled insult, and an accidental voicemail where he told his friend I was “psychologically unstable for mixing cutlery.” Meanwhile, this is a grown man who can’t spell ‘cutlery.’
🎵 Track 3: “Prison Flex” He told the school I went to jail. I mean… he wasn’t wrong. But he left out the part where he strangled me and got charged. Classic omission. And guess what, Sir Gaslight? That day in prison didn’t break me. It snapped me awake. You were out there spinning tales. I was in there building my comeback.
🎵 Track 4: “The Emotional DJ”
One minute: “You’re the love of my life.”
Next minute: “You’re a financial burden.”
Next track: “You owe me for every toothbrush you ever used.”
The emotional whiplash was Olympic-level. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to co-parent in peace and keep our kid from turning into a tiny therapist.
🎵 Track 5: “The Bureaucracy Bombshell”
When he couldn’t control her schedule, her parenting, or the courtroom, he went for the last frontier: her address. Captain Conflict, self-declared legal mastermind, called the fraud department to tattle like a schoolboy on Red Bull. His goal? A $400 fine and maybe—just maybe—a sense of relevance.
🎵 Bonus Track: “The Mailroom Menace” Recently he tried to weaponize… my mail. Said he won’t give it to me. Apparently, he thinks withholding packages gives him power. Babe, this isn’t Hogwarts. You’re not the Ministry of Magic. You’re just a control freak with too much time and a barcode scanner’s worth of spite.
And that’s just Volume 1. Stay tuned for Vol. 2: The Courtroom Tour Remix – featuring “Why Are You Crying? I’m the Victim”, “Co-parenting Is a Dictatorship Now”, and “Your Honor, My Ego Is Hurt.”
Because when you survive a narcissist, you get two choices: Cry into a pillow, or laugh your ass off while you build your empire.
Guess which one I picked?
More letters coming soon.
He gives me fresh material weekly. #blessed
Please note: Mr Fucker – This is not about you… Remember, you can't sue me for this if you claim you didn't do any of this to me, to our daughter, or to your other kids.
