Sir Gaslight-a-Lot’s Journal — Vol. 7: “The Boyfriend Debacle (AKA: Why I’m Definitely Not Jealous, Okay?)”
Subtitle: Tall, Handsome, Employed – A Threat to My Very Existence
Monday
Our daughter mentioned him again.
Tall. Kind. Business-owning freak of nature.
Says things like, “You’re doing great,” and actually means it.
Told the youth welfare worker he’s a “stranger” and “untrustworthy.”
She said, “He’s actually quite involved and gentle.”
I said, “So was Ted Bundy.”
Nobody laughed.
Tough crowd.
Tuesday
Googled him.
Twice.
Found his LinkedIn.
Too many endorsements for “leadership” and “compassion.” Suspicious.
Scrolled his Instagram.
He was smiling… with our daughter.
I reported it as “emotional terrorism.”
Instagram said no violation.
Clearly biased.
Wednesday
She told me he makes the best pancakes.
I said, “But I once made banana pancakes.”
She shrugged. Said he reads bedtime stories and helps with her drawings.
I nodded. Then quietly ripped up the drawing she made of “Mommy and Me and Him.”
Told myself it was “a boundary.”
Then yelled in the bathroom.
Thursday
He waved at me at school drop-off.
Tall. Confident. Friendly.
Sociopath vibes.
I squinted and pretended not to see him.
He smiled anyway.
Monster.
Friday
Our daughter told the mediator she wants “more time with Mommy and him.”
I gasped.
I yelled “parental manipulation!”
Mediator asked: “Is it possible she just feels safe and loved?”
I screamed internally: WHAT KIND OF MONSTER CREATES SAFETY AND LOVE?
I said: “He’s replacing me.”
Mediator blinked twice. Possibly trauma response.
Saturday
Watched his YouTube video.
He was speaking about business strategy like he invented compassion.
He had the audacity to be humble.
I threw my phone.
Our daughter asked, “Did you break it again?”
I said, “It was already cracked.”
Metaphor? Maybe.
Sunday
Dreamt he was tucking in our daughter while I stood outside the house holding a my frozen spaghetti bolognese.
Woke up sweating.
Told myself, “I’m not jealous. I’m concerned.”
Wrote 14 messages to the school about how she’s being “psychologically triangulated.”
Didn’t send them.
Yet.
