The Secret WhatsApp Chat Between Captain Conflict’s New Girlfriend & Her Friends
Secret WhatsApp Group: “SOS – He’s Not Who I Thought”
Participants:
Alisa (his new girlfriend, Mother of 3)
Chloe (BFF since college)
Natasha (Truth-teller, no filter)
Sophie (in HR, already diagnosing this whole mess)
Alisa:
Girls… I think I made a mistake.
Chloe:
Wait what? You mean with Captain Perfect Dad™?
Alisa:
You know how I said he was the best dad and his ex was “crazy”?
Natasha:
Yeah. You also said she was “unstable” and he was “healing from her trauma.” 🙄
Alisa:
Well… I just found out he has FOUR other kids and doesn’t speak to ANY of them. Not one. And guess who’s now helping raise his daughter while giving up weekends with my own kids?
Sophie:
Oh no.
You’ve been enlisted into the Emotional Labor Olympics without your consent.
Alisa:
And guess what happened the first time I met her?
He told me to hide behind him and reverse the car up a hill because his ex was nearby.
ON A BIKE.
WITH A CHILD.
What did he think she was going to do? Launch a tactical assault with juice boxes??
Chloe:
Oh my god 😭😭😭
This is worse than the guy who lied about being a vegan but ate steak in secret.
Natasha:
You’re dating The Manipulator Deluxe™.
He tells everyone his ex is unstable while you’re busy parenting his kid and skipping time with yours. You’re not his girlfriend—you’re a crisis-management nanny in heels.
Alisa:
He says his ex is bitter and making it all up. But now I’ve seen the court docs… and her blog… and um.
She might actually be a badass.
Sophie:
Of course she is. She escaped the Matrix.
You’re still in it.
Alisa:
I feel so dumb. I believed everything he told me.
Natasha:
We’ve all been there. But the good news?
You can leave.
You just have to choose YOU over the story he’s feeding you.
Alisa:
Okay.
I need to start planning my exit.
Because this guy? He’s not just messy…
He’s a category 5 emotional hurricane with a court date.
Chloe:
Want us to start sending you memes about red flags until your brain snaps back?
All:
YES.
