TOP SECRET INTERNAL MEMO – FROM BOARD MEMBER "Greg the Reasonable"
Subject: Operation Unicorn Truthbomb 🦄💣
Team,
I’ve just emerged from my fourth espresso-fueled meditation circle, and I have a confession: we’ve been played—like a recorder at a third-grade talent show.
Let’s talk about this “Father Fabulous,” aka Sir Martino the Manipulator. Somehow, this guy managed to Jedi-mind-trick half the staff into believing he’s a parenting prophet who walks on water. I mean, the man had a one-hour chat with Youth Welfare, walked out like he won an Oscar, and now he’s quoting them like scripture. “They saw me once and declared me Father of the Galaxy!” Sir, they were there for coffee and awkward small talk.
Meanwhile, poor Ms. Factual, a.k.a. the mother, a.k.a. “The Woman Who Knows the Law,” is being treated like she stormed the school wielding a flamethrower. She’s calm, rational, and brings cupcakes for unicorn birthdays—yet somehow, we’ve let Mr. Gaslight write the script?
Let’s talk Beth the Confused Parrot App Warrior. One week she’s saying, “No, no, you cannot come on his days! It’s illegal! He told me!” and the next, she’s tossing around party invites to him like it’s a glittery confetti cannon. Apparently, the “days” only matter when it’s about banning Ms. Factual from attending her little unicorn’s finger-painting debut. I’m not saying it’s biased, but if this were a seesaw, it’s sitting squarely on Mount Bullsh*t.
I’ve also just discovered the arrest story. Public street. Two parents from school saw it. Allegedly over the fact he actually strangled her and pretended she attacked him for no reason when she saved her own life. The man tells people she was a flight risk with a jetpack, when actually she was late picking up groceries. And now everyone’s avoiding her like she has lice made of lawsuits.
Final thought: the only consistent thing here is how inconsistent we’ve been. This isn’t neutral. This is “oops we joined a cult without realizing” energy. If we don’t fix this, we’ll need to rebrand the school as “Bias & Co. – Academy of Accidental Gaslighting.”
I propose an emergency intervention. Possibly with snacks. And a megaphone that screams “READ THE LAW” every time someone says, “Well, I heard from Martino…”
Sincerely,
Greg the Reasonable
Keeper of Common Sense and Unicorn Justice 🦄⚖️
